Oblivious.........

Of the world around me, the rain, the screech of tires skewing off the pavement, the crunch of metal, shattering of glass. Sudden pressure across my chest and stomach, instantly against my face, then gone just as fast. Through the empty windshield the world is a revolving kaleidoscope of glass, grass, trees, pavement and rain soaked sky. All tinted the color of roses from the warm coppery fluid filling my eyes, streaming down my face, drowning me in it's harshness.

Then silence........

Stillness........

Slowly the constant patter of rain fills my ears, drumming hollowly against the twisted metal, my face awash in it's cold, icy torrent fighting the red flood in my vision. Faintly, ever so faintly the sound of sirens fill the air, growing louder and louder until the world is bathed in the warble. Voices calling me, but I do not hear them. Hands touching me, but I do not feel them. Machinery whirring into life, the groan of metal shearing apart. More voices, then hands upon me once again and I am suddenly drenched from the torrent above, fresh air fills my nostrils, my lungs and clears my foggy brain. My eyes clear, I am staring at a cloud filled sky, a man to my right and another on my left as I float through the rain. Jostles and jolts now fill me and I am free from the wrath of nature. Cool, dry cloth against my face, a small soft pinch on my arm. The red cloud of my vision is gone, blackness slowly creeps in. My ears open and hear only two words in the cacophony.......

"CODE BLUE!"

......then I am gone.

Darkness engulfs me, completely enveloping my soul. Wait, no...not total. A small point of light off in the distance, growing warmer, brighter, closer, coming closer. Bright light fills my eyes, my body, my soul. Faces drift out of the light, many faces, strange and unfamiliar. But wait, no, familiar faces now. My eyes flood with tears as joy fills my entire being. As I drift into the light the faces of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, long lost loved ones surround me, embracing me in their loving warmth, welcoming me to them, welcoming me home. Yes, home, this is my home, where I belong. A figure emerges from the white void, strange, but oddly familiar. His eyes lock onto mine, flooding my soul with their love. I gaze upon him, this eternal being, the faint scars on his forehead, the mixture of love and sorrow in his eyes. He reaches out toward me with two scarred hands, pulls me to him in a deep embrace. Our arms around each other, his warm soft lips against my ear. Softly he whispers........"You are not done" and releases me from his loving arms. I begin to drift away, slowly at first, then faster, more rapidly. I beg to stay, plead to come home....

"CLEAR!"

I rocket backward, the light all but gone, pain cries out from my heart. I want to be home, but I am not done. There is to be more........

"CLEAR!"

My eyes slowly open, light fills my vision, a slow steady beeping in my ears. Pain roars through my head, my arms, my chest, but my legs are strangely numb, distant. Voices in the room, bits and pieces filter through to me...."he's awake"..., ...."terrible accident"..., ..."may never walk again". Realization explodes in my mind, paralyzed, crippled. I close my eyes, I don't want to be here, I want to be home, why can't I come home? I am not done? What more is there?

I open my eyes to the world, to a room, a room with strange, alien furniture. Before me two parallel bars, extending away, beneath me a chair, a chair with wheels. My legs wrapped in cages, pins, screws, bandages and tape. Hoisted from my seat, hands placed upon the cold steel bars, I know what needs to be done, but I do not want this, I want to go home, but I am not done. Sweat pours from my body, my arms quiver with strain, my legs refuse to move. Tears flood from my eyes, down my cheeks, salty upon my lips. I can not go on, I do not want to go on, but I must, I am not done. A voice fills my ears, grabs my soul, draws my eyes upward as if magnetized. There she is, through the blur I see her, the one beside me at the end. Now she is at the other end, beyond the bars, beckoning to me, calling me forward. She is beautiful, more lovely than even in my vision, but this is no vision, there is no golden aura surrounding her, flowing from her. My eyes clear, she is reality, she is real and perfect. My resolves steels for her, hands upon the bars, knuckles white, my face flushed red with strain.......my left leg inches forward, one tiny step, barely perceivable. A smile blooms on her face, a smile to rival all the stars that ever glowed in the heavens, she calls to me again, urging me on, I strain with all I can, for her...my right leg moves.. My eyes drift down in wonder upon the legs that were dead, useless so few moments ago, my stocking feet upon a black mat. Black, but not completely. Two white lines run parallel down the sides, a yellow line down the center, one foot on one side, one on the other side. I am straddling the yellow line, changes have been made, destinies intertwined, fates brought together, mine and hers. She calls to me again, pleading to me, I clench my teeth against the pain. Forcing with all my will, for two limbs to move.......

Step by step........

Towards her.........

At the end of..........

The road I'm on.............

The road I'm on is a two lane road, long and unending. The horizon unseeable, unknowable and seemingly unreachable. Everyday I see strangers passing by me heading in the opposite direction, off to their own lives and destinies, waving as they go by. Faces I can only barely see, people I will never know, friendships I will never earn, lives I will never be a part of. I sit here, heading in my own direction, heading to God knows where. Rain drumming down on the windshield, fat, thick drops plummeting from the heavens. The steady metronome beating of the wipers, thump thump, thump thump. Heat, streaming from the vents. Both struggling valiantly to keep my vision clear in this torrent from God, neither one soothing my nerves or warming my chilled bones. I look out my window, down between us and see the double yellow line separating us, dividing our lives and our fates. Cars passing by, through deep puddles, splashing my windows and temporarily obscuring my view. I see their dwindling tail lights growing dimmer and dimmer in my rearview mirror, disappearing into the storm, enveloped by the mist rising from the pavement, leaving me to my own fate and my own destiny. I drive alone, my hands on the wheel, white knuckled, palms clammy and slick. Squinting through the downpour, mile after endless mile. I drift off in my thoughts and wish that for once, just once, that there was someone sitting beside me, heading in the same direction. Heading to God knows where, happy to be there, heading into the unknown with me. Visions fill my head, cloud my senses, calm my heart and slow my breathing. In my mind the storm clouds part, sun rays filter through the growing gaps, shining down upon me. The rain slows, then stops, dripping from the sagging tree branches, miniature rivers in the gutters, flowing to the over burdened drains. I relax back into my seat, my grip eases from the wheel, my knuckles no longer white, my palms now dry. In my mind I look beside me and there she is, the one I've longed for, for so long. The epiphany of love, hope and happiness. A golden aura surrounds her, eminates from her very core, highlighting her long flowing hair, shining out from her eyes, glinting from her perfect smile. I feel her hand slip into mine, warm and delicate, sending heat up my arm, through my veins and arteries, into my heart, lungs and brain. A feeling I have never known fills my entire being from head to toe, making me tingle all over, filling my heart until it overflows with happiness, love and serenity. As the torrent continues to pound on me, the road, the strangers passing by and the world, I am lost in my own mind, thoughts and dreams. Entrapped in my visions I slump in my seat, my head drifts back and my eyes slowly ease closed. My left hand falls from the wheel into my lap, my right holding the imaginary hand of illusion. The road is open before me, the rain continues to plummet, the vehicle that is my life swerves on the rain slick pavement and begins to hydroplane. The illusion of control disintergrates around me as the illusion in my mind fills everything. The road I'm on disappears from beneath me, paradise is near, the end is at hand, but I am.....

happily.....

lovingly.......

thankfully.........

oblivious..................